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Stereotypes

Mister Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra after taking a trip of South India. Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train. When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth. Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help. TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.
So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

How the various people search for life partner

BEGGAR Bhagwan ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de, Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de, Bhagwan tujhe ek ke badle do dega, Hillary hogi to Monika bhi dega

BANKER Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

PESSIMIST Why do marriage and mirage rhyme? Because both of them are misleading.

LAWYER I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

BOATMAN Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Plaese send the photograph of motorboat.

SHAAYAR Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai, Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye, Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi, To yaroo ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

BEVDA Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friend come home only seven times a week.Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

CAR MECHANIC Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition.Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. Dent wont be tolerated especially in the head gear.

10 stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:-

1.At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Well, it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2.In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again or should i try this time."

3.At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?

4.At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good
Answer:-No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5.At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years Stupid Question:-Oh wow, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6.When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No, he's a miserable, wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7.When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call Stupid Question:-Sorry, were you sleeping.
Answer:-No. I was playing basketball outside and was about to make a basket. What do you think?

8.When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9.At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-And while I'm telling you, you tell me if you bite. 10.You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke
Answer:-No, it's a miracle ...........it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!